Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Ever since I can remember, I have always looked at the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas as something magical. I grew up in Watkins Glen, New York, a small village on the end of Seneca Lake. It was quite common to have snow in December, so it really was my winter wonderland. I loved everything about Christmas. It was so much fun for the whole family to go to the Christmas tree farm and find that “perfect tree.” My very favorite thing about Christmas is the music – I don’t care what it is. I could listen to it year round. There were the concerts at school and programs at church, and it just wasn’t Christmas if we didn’t go caroling and end up back at the church for hot chocolate. I could feel the excitement building inside of me for the “big day.”

My mom had traditions she carried out every year, i.e. baking hundreds of fancy cookies, fruitcakes, making fudge and decorating the house for the “big day” when my Dad’s extended family would gather at Mom and Dad’s house for Christmas dinner and exchange gifts. Later on, my brother had 3 sons, and then I added 2 daughters and 1 son.

I’ll always cherish those memories of Christmas growing up.

Now I’m a grandmother of 3. The oldest is about to turn 13 in a month. Where did all the time go? I’ve always tried to make Christmas special for my children and grandchildren – no matter what circumstances we may have been going through that year. There have been some really difficult times, but we got through it.

I thought last Christmas was difficult, but this year is going to be just as hard to get through. It actually started on Dec. 18, 1992 when my Mom passed away. Tom and I had only been married 3 months, but I couldn’t have asked for someone stronger to support me through that time. Mom had a very rapid progressing case of Alzheimer’s, and even though it was painful to lose her, it was a blessing to not have to see her suffer through that horrible disease anymore. By the time we had gone through the viewing, funeral, and services at the cemetery, there was only a couple of days until Christmas. No one was in the mood to celebrate that year. We were still in shock over Mom’s death.

Last Christmas, my Dad had been in a nursing home for 2 years. We went up the day after Christmas to visit. My brother had arranged for a private room in a restaurant so Dad would be able to see all his family together. Dad had taken a turn for the worse before we got there. He didn’t make it to the party. I watched my Dad die a little more each day, until he took his last breath on January 9th of this year. When he was at the point where he could barely do anything other than hold your hand or say just a couple of words, I was trying to think of things to say to him when it came to me I should sing to him. I started singing “Jesus Loves Me” softly to him. I asked him if he liked that, and he nodded “yes” with his head. I sang a couple more hymns, and then my sister came back from lunch. We would sing a hymn, and he would say, “more”. We did that for over a half hour. That was a very special time for the three of us.

Anyone who is close to me knows that music plays a huge role in my life. I know this is a gift from God. If I’m angry, stressed out, depressed, or upset, I can sit down at the piano, get lost in the notes and words, and go off to another place. Things that seemed so overwhelming begin to be lifted from me, and a peace comes over me. With God, I can handle things just a little bit longer – just like I was able to when I was singing to my Dad.

God, thank you for being with me in both the good times and the times of anguish. Help me to reach for you and cling to you when the pain is overwhelming. Help me to hear your voice in my pain and rest in your arms when I feel like I’m falling apart. I also ask that you be with all the people who, like me, are grieving over the loss of loved ones this Christmas.

~Mary Lou McKinney

Taken from iWorship Daily Devotional Bible (NLT) – March 18